Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Who are you?

You didn't ask but today is the birthday. The plan was to do nothing. But I can't seem to do that. I did hit up Blockbuster for Pans Labryinth and Notes on a Scandal. That will be a night time viewing. However, in the light of day I will take time to ponder the age old question "who am I?" Over the last few years I've found it increasingly important to ask that question of myself regularly. So I ask: Dear Allegra, girl who are you? We all should ask ourselves the question regularly if we are to stay on point with the mission of our unique self.

It's so easy to stray0nto someone else's set, be unhappy and not realize why. The why is because we are cast in a bit part in a stranger's B movie! If we stay focused on our own project where we are the star, director, producer, the everything it wouldn't matter that it was a low grade production. It's our movie, our screening house and greater moments of happiness are more likely. But being able to identify whose movie we're in is the rub. That takes pause, sometimes daily but at least annually and the birthday is as good a time as any.

My friend Lydia has an insightful way of viewing the world and made the point of checking what movie you're in during my recent, long overdue visit with her and family. I am so glad I made the trip. Almost didn't. Cashflow at a trickle. But, I learned a long time ago that if I yield to the "I can't afford it" syndrome that will be who I become in life and I'll never be able to afford anything. So, I figured out a way to afford it and took a window seat on Southwest Airlines and flew off to California for a few days. The benefits began with the woman who chose the middle seat next to me. She said she was a geneticist specializing in horse bloodlines. The job had her regularly flying around the country to meet with clients. She was tiring of it and was training a successor so she could spend more time doing things she liked such as the rafting trip she took on the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon.

I generate a lot of ideas that spin off of my writing for Renovating Woman. Some of those ideas might include renovating a building, doing home improvement workshops, creating home repair videos, etc. But when sitting alone I know they don't have to do with who I am at my core. "Core." Funny how everyone is picking up on that word and wearing it to hell from aerobic trainers to the talking head broadcasters and media writers. They are like hungry dogs with steaks between their teeth. Shake, shake, shake. Steaks, words, old shoes, whatever. They'll wear the word out until the next invention.

Anyway, at my core I am a writer and entertainer who loves to travel. I like talking to strangers, sharing news folks can use in their lives and making people laugh. I am happiest in that space. That's my movie. Anything else is somebody else's gig.

Talking with my airplane seat mate brought me to that satisfying conclusion. It allowed me to put the brakes on a couple of complicated projects I created and focus on creating a more joyful life this coming year and play Auntie Mame with my grandkids. If what I choose to do has no connection to writing, traveling, meeting new people or making folks laugh, I shan't be a doin' it. So, Yay! Happy birthday to me. Print it. That's a wrap.

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